Pitch Wars #PimpMyBio 2017

Hello, and welcome to my #PimpMyBio, let’s dive right in, shall we?


Me, Tess, whose Bio is being Pimped

Were I to be bit by a radio-active spider or centipede or butterfly, these are my natural abilities that would most likely be enhanced:

  • Sense of Smell. Seriously, it’s a gift and a curse. My family’s favorite story to drag out at holidays is how two-year-old me could smell my one-year-old niece’s dirty diaper before anyone else. Apparently my exact words were to my brother were, “Scott, what’s that smell?” It’s a talent that, to my chagrin, has followed me into adulthood. So here I am, Diaper-Sniffer Extraordinaire. Catering to babies across the globe.

  • I can grow a great set of fingernails. No salon gels for me, thank you very much. I once had a kid ask to bite them to test if they were real. Sometimes I wonder where that kid ended up. Catwoman watch out, my claws they are a growin’.

  • Double jointed. In the event of my superhero origin story my creepy ability to dislocate most of my fingers and a couple of my toes would definitely serve me to take down a villain or two. Thought you’d cut off my thumb during your villainous monologue, Dr. Doom? Well joke’s on you, it just moved to the back of my hand and now it’s pushing your Big Red Button.

My Writing

But let’s be real. My main (only) marketable skill is writing. And geeking out about writing, but so far no one’s offered to pay me for that.

I’ve been writing regularly since I was twelve. The first story I can ever remember finishing was a birthday present for my dad about a little girl who finds a bear cub in the woods. Sweet, right? Yeah, sweet didn’t last long. A few months after that I’d turned to the more lurid worlds of fanfiction and roleplaying. As an adult, I studied film and screenwriting and wrote a few scripts I’m still quite proud of (see my Works).

I turned to novel writing mostly out of desperation. I needed to find the best way to tell my stories, to challenge myself and step outside the safety blanket of the film industry. For some reason I thought book-making would be that blanket. Guess what? It’s cold and scary under this blanket. But also more fun than I’ve ever had in my life. Come join me, maybe it’ll warm up.

Fun(?) Facts

  • I’ve lived in almost every region of the United States. I’ve hailed from Colorado, Georgia, Missouri, Washington, and now Cornwall, UK.
  • I’m finishing a Masters in Professional Writing at Falmouth University in…TWELVE DAYS. What am I doing here working on this? I’ve got a thesis to finish!

  • Kay, I’m back.
  • I’ll be moving back State-side in…TWENTY-ONE DAYS. What am I doing here working on this? I’ve got packing to finish!

  • Kay, I’m back.
  • I have an amazing support system. See Exhibit A, me sharing my fears with my mother:



  • I love dogs.

The Big Book

I finished THE NAMELESS two and a half years ago. And by ‘finished’ I mean I eked out a first draft. Since then it’s undergone countless revisions, most for the better (some for the worse). It’s been my baby, my worst enemy, my companion, and the nagging voice inside my head that I’d give anything to make shut up. But mostly it’s been my passion. I hope someday it will be someone else’s too.


About The Big Book:

  • It’s Adult Science Fiction
  • It’s told in dual POV
  • One of the POVs is a badass lady
  • The other POV is a slightly less-badass fella
  • The supporting cast popped up out of the ground fully formed. Seriously, they were like adorable little orcs who told me exactly what to say.
  • There are poison bracelets that keep my badass lady chained to my slightly less-badass fella.
  • She runs away from him anyway.
  • It’s about the struggle between families you’re born to, and families you choose.
  • There’s a Space Farm.
  • With exploding crops.
  • Pretty much all Mumford & Sons songs are the soundtrack for this novel, but especially ‘The Cave’.
  • Check out the Pinterest Board

My Faves

Books: My first and true love is Harry Potter. These are the other contenders for my heart: The Mistborn Series, A Song of Ice and Fire, Wool, Pride & Prejudice, Brokeback Mountain, Hunger Games, Poldark, Outlander

TV Shows: This list is long and deep. In semi-particular order: Battlestar Galactica, Farscape The West Wing, Firefly, Downton Abbey, Game of Thrones (don’t ask me to pick a side, it can’t be done), Gilmore Girls, Veronica Mars, The Handmaid’s Tale, The OA, Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1, Fringe, Poldark, The Good Wife, Friends

Movies: Lord of the Rings, The King’s Speech, Star Trek, Atonement, Pride & Prejudice, Titanic, Anastasia, Swan Princess, Aladdin

Video Games: Mass Effect, Dragon Age, The Sims

That’s all for now, happy Pitching!

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